First and foremost, Happy New Year!  As we close out 2008 and approach 2009, I hope you can find a little bit of time to do some reflection.  I hope you get a chance to examine who you are, or at least THINK you are.

I have.  Let me share with you an event happened to me several weeks ago that forced me to re-examine myself.

And I don’t mean in a, “duh, I am Raymond Fong of course” type of way. I am talking about the sort of examination that forces you to confront your nastiest inner demons, your most paralyzing fears, your most disgusting alter ego, your most embarrassing weakness, and say to yourself…

“Yes, that is who I am.“

You see, what I was doing (and odds are, you may be doing too) is living my life thinking I was someone that frankly, I wasn’t.  Deep inside, if I were to cut through all the lies and bullsh*t that I’ve weaved to help me feel better about myself, I would find out that how I’ve presented myself to the world was just a facade.

Now don’t get me wrong, that’s not to say that I’ve been living a lie – I haven’t been.  But I have held beliefs that just weren’t true, beliefs that my ego forced on myself.

It was undoubtedly a very scary and frustrating moment – to realize that perhaps who I thought I was and what I thought I was capable of… wasn’t true.  That maybe, just maybe, I really wasn’t as good as I thought.  And that maybe, just maybe, the next person may in reality be better than me.

Every one of us has strengths, and everyone of us has weaknesses.  Realizing your strength will help you conquer the world but before you can do so, you must first realize your weakness and conquer thyself.

Denial & Ego – Your Greatest Enemies

It’s in moments when you are in denial of your weakness (and you are so entrenched in your denial that you don’t even realize that you are in denial) that you find yourself having to prove to the world that you are something you are not.  It’s in those moments that you may not do as well as you’d like and yet… can’t understand why.

And there exists a disconnect.

You focus on the failure, on the CAUSE for that failure, and you lose sight of the greater things – such as the lesson to be learned from that failure and how you can grow stronger as a result of those lessons.

You refuse to accept that failure was a result of your own weakness.

And you start looking for excuses… you start looking for scapegoats, for something/someone to blame but yourself.  And you further weave that lie in your core and that weakness continues to prevail.  You let your ego take over your being.

And now, you have something to prove to the world – in your silly reality weaved of lies and ego – you MUST show the world you HAVE no weakness.  That the failure was just a fluke.

An attitude like that presents the biggest obstacle to ever eliminating that weakness – how can you correct something that you deny as to existing?  It’s like an alcoholic trying to “fix” his alcoholism when he doesn’t even recognize it as a problem!

And the vicious downward cycles continues.

Channel Your Napoleon Complex

If you are finding yourself in this mindset, I am here to tell you that until you humble thyself and admit to having weaknesses, you will NEVER be happy with yourself.  You will ALWAYS have something to prove to the world.

Now, don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with ambition, drive, and motivation.  Napoleon Complex does serve its purpose, but in the right place, time, and in the right quantity.  You have to learn to channel this energy, this ambition.  You have to learn to control this drive to become the better version of yourself.

Lest… it controls you and cause your own self-destruction.

I finally learned to distinguish reality from what I’d “like to be (but am not there yet)“; to distinguish my true self from that of my ego’s.

With this new year, take the time to look within yourself, humbly.  Do away with any ego and any pretenses.  Tear away any predisposition and self-defense mechanisms pretending to protect you from yourself.  Be honest with yourself about your strengths and weakness.

Find out who you REALLY are, and be okay with that!  Then set forth to becoming the better version of yourself for the new year, and every year after

Happy New Year!

Raymond Fong

P.S. Special thanks to my mentor for life – Chief Master Taejoon Lee of the West Coast Hwa Rang Do Academy and my good friend and business partner, Fernando Ceballos.

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