Dear Mr. Internet Marketer,

I remember once upon time, the internet was a fun-filled place.  It was a place I can come and relax.  A place I can meet up with friends, chit chat about our days and lives.  A place where I can frolic among the different engaging websites that are fun, entertaining, and/or educational.

Those were the good ol’ days.

Then you came along and f**ked it all up.

You took it from a fun-filled playground where there was plenty of open grassy fields, kids-friendly toys, lots of sunshine, trees, and flowers and turned it into a melting pot of junk.  You pissed all over the grassy fields and sprinkled tons of shattered glass around all the toys.  You stampeded the flowers and in their place, put in man-eating plants.  You took the trees and put barbed wires all around them.

What in the world are you doing?  Please stop.

Death of MySpace

MySpace was once a great spot for my friends and me to reconnect and say hi to each other.  Heck, it was even a great place to meet new people (it even gave birth to the promiscuous statement, “From MySpace to my place…”)

But then you came along and pretended to be my friend.

You came along and sucked me in just so you can spit on me and my profile.  You lied to me when you messaged me calling me “your friend” only so you can sell me your junk.

Please stop.

Cancer of FaceBook

Then FaceBook sought to rectify the situation.  It was closed off to you for the longest time.  It was only for friends of friends of friends.  It was a closed community where true friends can connect.  It was suppose to be “better than MySpace” – the Bel Air version of MySpace.  It was great and fantastic!

I mean, yes it was just a more complicated and pretentious version of MySpace but at least it was cool and more structured.  I was able to reconnect with plenty more of my friends and family in a much more organized manner!

Then you showed up again.

Some way somehow, you penetrated the community.  You created applications laced with poison designed to do nothing but sh*t on my FaceBook page and waste my time as I continually deny your invitation and reject your stupid flowers and pillow fights.

Seriously, I don’t care whether you think I am Thao, I don’t care if you could be a celebrity you’d be a chipmunk, I D-O-N’-T care.  Why did you think I would in the first place?  Now my FaceBook is just a clusterf**k of your junk and sh*t.

Twitter Don’t Go “Tweet Tweet” Anymore

Twitter introduced microblogging.  It finally enabled me to tell the world what I am doing while I sit on my john dropping the kids off at the pool.  I was able to say things like, “I am tweeting now.” and feel important because I can pretend that the 23 people who are following my tweets actually cared.

I was able to learn of earth-shattering news happening around the world as news flooded the Twitter-land with things like the terrorist attack in India (which brought this info to more people in shorter amount of time than traditional means).  I was able to secretly stalk my friends and see their messages like, “I am leaving my house for my 2 week vacation – so yes, my house will be empty, please don’t rob me.”

Then you reared your ugly face.

Sure you may seem to be popular, with your 100,000.8 followers… never mind that you are following 238,898 followers and of those 100,000.8 followers, 8,723 of them are your own fake profiles and the remainders are your internet-cancerous marketing friends.

You flood the Twitter land with stupid messages like, “Hi my name is Bob, please like me and buy my stuff at: http://www.whyiamadouchebag.com”  You make Twitter now nothing but a shoutbox – where you do nothing but stand on your little hill and shout on top of your lungs, thinking we care and we actually listen to you.

Go f**k yourself.

Anti-Social Sites

Social sites and social bookmarks are no longer social.  Now they are just a cluster-f**k of Mr. Other-Internet Marketers like you.  They are filled with empty profiles with nothing but links to worthless websites that ask for your name, email address, and money.  These bookmarks are now loaded with links to self-promoting, value-lacking, piss-poor websites that have no business being bookmarked.

Social sites are meant to be social, but gawd damn it I am relapsing back into my reclusive self because these social sites are anything BUT social.

Can I ask you one question Mr. Internet Marketer?  “WTF?”

Please Stop

Listen Mr. Internet Marketer.  I get what you are doing.  I understand that it is your “job” to sell stuff online.  But what you are missing is the “add value” aspect of business, of what you are doing.

You are so busy and focused on just SELL SELL SELL, you are starting to piss off more than just me, you are pissing off the big brothers like Google and FTC.

Why do you think the whole idea of Google Slap and Google Ban came around?  It’s because you used and abused a system that was designed to improve lives.  You took that, warped it for your evil intentions so you can con people into buying your low-quality junk.

And now Google and the FTC are pissed and punishing everyone for it – thanks to you Mr. Internet Marketing A**hole.

Maybe if you get your head out of your arse for a bit you’ll see that by going back to the fundamentals of internet marketing, which is to give without want, and to add overwhelming value to people, you will not only help US but also yourself.

By stopping being such a prick online, stopping thinking of ways to “trick” the people to buy, “trick” AdWords to approve your ads, “trick” FTC to approving your ads, and “trick” your merchant account provider to approve your account… maybe, just maybe, you can bring balance back to the internet.

Mr. Internet Marketer, if there is any sense of dignity, ethics, moral, and self respect, please stop pissing on the internet.  Please restore the internet into the beautiful place it once was.  Do it for the children.

Signed,

Raymond Fong

P.S. And if you are NOT Mr. Internet Marketer, please sign the petition below by leaving a comment so we can get this message heard by Mr. Internet Marketer.